I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Randomize
