Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
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