have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Randomize
