yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
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