evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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