So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
