No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
