I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
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