youre lurking in front of me
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Randomize
