yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
