so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
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