He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
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