shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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