i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
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