Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
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