I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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