And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Randomize
