Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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