How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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