I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
