You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
