I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Randomize
