Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Randomize
