Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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