I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
