I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
