Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
