Im at strip club and am horny
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
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