There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Randomize
