Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
My penis needs a shock collar
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
