Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
