i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
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