I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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