All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
