it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
