I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
