How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Randomize
