bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
