You made me cry and you don't even care
so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Randomize
