when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
