2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
