i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
