I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
