I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Randomize
