why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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