The maid of honor just puked.
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
It was confusing and full of hummus
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
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