He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I am mentally ready for anal.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
