I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
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