guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
nutella sex= disaster
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Randomize
