Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
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