Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
My hand turned me down
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
