I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Randomize
