i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Randomize
