I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
