You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
she told me i tasted like america
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
